Splendiforous Baseball

It's that time of year again internets. The time when the valiant and true turn their hearts to America's national pastime. No, not football. No, not March Madness. No, not professional lacrosse. Cmon! It's baseball time.

Spring training has officially begun in both Arizona and Florida. This means I can officially skip out of work on afternoons and hang out at Phoenix Municipal Stadium and watch my beloved Oakland A's get ready for the regular season.

There's really nothing quite like sitting out by the home bullpen and watching a game. Eating a hot dog. Drinking a beer. Squaking with the catchers, pitchers and coaches out by the bullpen. Playfully teasing the right fielder all game. Brutally bashing the opposing team's right fielder all game. Craning your neck to watch long fly balls as they soar over the fence for a home run. Smoked grounders or line drives to the hot corner. A perfectly turned double play. Dirt flying through the air as a player slides into second with a stolen base. Blistering fastballs on the inside corner. The sweet arc of a 12-6 curve. The guile of a catcher and pitcher fooling a batter for a strikeout thanks to some ingenious pitch selection and performance. Fluke flair singles over the first baseman's head. An outfielder's cannon arm turning an advancing baserunner into smoked bacon. The soft thchunk and slow roll of a well-executed bunt. A batter working the count and earning a walk. Which reminds me of my favorite baseball joke:

So a Scotsman sails across the sea to America. On his first day in the United States, he heads straight to a baseball game, being his new country's national pastime and all. Duncan wanted to learn as much as he could about this "baseball" since it was so beloved by Americans. The Scotsman, in kilt and all, takes a seat behind home plate. The first batter steps to the plate and waits for the first pitch. With a crack of the bat, the batter knocks the ball into the gap in left-center. The crowd jumps to their feet yelling, "RUN RUN RUN!" The Scotsman is confused. Duncan doesn't understand what just happened exactly but everyone else seemed pretty excited about it.
The second batter steps to the plate and waits for his first pitch. He knocks the ball right back up the middle. Again the crowd jumps up and starts yelling, "RUN RUN RUN!" Duncan looks around again. He thinks he's starting to get this crazy American game.
The third batters steps to the plate. The first pitch is way outside. The second pitch almost hits the batter. The third pitch splashes into the dirt. And the fourth pitch soars above the batter's head and is barely saved by the catcher. The batter drops his bat and starts moving to first.
Duncan jumps to his feet, yelling, "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!!!" The crowd laughs and smiles at the ignorance of their new Scottish friend. The Scotsman, shamed, sits down with a disappointed frown on his face. The man in the seat next to him takes pity on Duncan and leans over.
"You don't need to yell run there sir," says the man.
"Why not?" asks the Scot.
"Cause he got four balls," says the man.
Duncan now understands. He jumps to his feet yelling, "WALK WITH PRIDE MAN. WALK WITH PRIDE!"

FIN

So if you live in Florida or Arizona, make sure to get your butt to a Spring Training game. It's good for your health.