Future Home?

Going to San Diego

Steve and I are driving to San Diego this morning to watch the Padres play the San Francisco Giants. Why are we driving six hours to watch a baseball game?
Well...
Barry Bonds may tie/break the all-time home run record. Sure, Barry Bonds is a stupid prick. But the record is bigger than he is. If Steve and I get to see this happen, it's something I could tell my kids and grandkids about (or dudes at a bar).

We'll be gone Saturday and come back late Sunday as we're catching Sunday's afternoon game too.

I'll be wearing a Penny Arcade Fruit Fucker t-shirt. Isn't that the best shirt ever for this event? (I will now explain why and ruin all the fun of it) See, Barry Bonds uses steroids but will never admit to it AND he's a fucker. And Fruit Fucker is a juicer. Juicer being a synonym for someone on steroids. Also, Fruit Fucker is indeed, a fucker.

I know you're all beside yourselves with laughter now. Feel free to take a break, get a drink of water and breathe deep before you head out to the rest of the Internet hinterlands. Adios.

New Treds

I took a bold step into a new world last night. That's right, true believers. I bought a pair of Converse. Good bye running shoes of yore, with your ultra thick cushioning and your sometimes stifling comfort. Hello hip kicks with the interesting colors. I got Navy Blue shoes. I think they look all right. And my feet are getting used to the new tires.

My roommate is out in Europe for a month. Which is nice because I don't have to worry about having a roommate for a month. It's basically like I bought the house. Temporarily. Rachael's been over more often cause I don't feel bad about making Janel think she's acquired a second roommate.

We've been a lot better about eating in. I'm getting old. (Already old, Rachael would say) I'd like to start eating healthier or at least acquiring healthier habits now before I start putting on the pounds with impunity. So I'm proud of the effort we made last week.

Last Day of July. Which means August is here tomorrow. Which means the hellish long days of busy busy July will be over. I imagine August will still be busy just not AS busy. I appreciate that.

I better finish getting ready. Laters.

Life of a Beta Male: Weekend Edition

With apologies to Mr. Ellis and NPR, I present to you....my weekend.

Friday:
I am the only person on my team working today. So I'll probably clock in a normal eight hours instead of the 10 I've been pulling down all of July.

After work, I'm going to the West Valley with Rachael and we're going to dinner with Jen and Casey (the aforementioned newlyweds of the Vegas story). Don't know where we're going yet.

Casey will leave us all after dinner cause Jen, Rachael and I will be hanging out until the Harry Potter release party starts. Yes, I know. A full-grown man excited about a kids book. I'm not saying it's literature. It's not. But it's fun to read. About the same level as my Star Wars books. Either way, I'm excited. I re-read Half Blood Prince to remind myself of important details prior to the new book.

At some point, sleep will occur. Probably in the West Valley instead of at my place. Because....
Saturday:
Rachael and I have a lunch scheduled with a high school friend of hers I have never met. Somewhere in the West Valley, but I don't know if they've decided on a place. I'm hoping for some good embarrassing stories from her youth. That would be great.
Later on Saturday, we're taking out Brad and Amanda to dinner. I think I'd still like to go to the Carlsbad Tavern in the East Valley. Good place, cool atmosphere, good food. Then we'll likely head back to their house and once again drool in envy over Brad's sweet ass Apple set-up. The dude works as a Genius at Apple and well.... his entertainment set up is kick ass. He doesn't get cable. He just downloads all the shows he wants to watch via torrent and keeps them on some massive Apple Mind-Hive or something.
More sleep, more likely at my house this time and.....

Sunday:
Rachael will run off to work. Poor girl having to work Sundays all the time. While she's gone, I'll either A) Finish Harry Potter if I haven't already. B) Play videogames. I'm stuck at this one boss in FFXII and I think I just need to level up/get back to a teleport stone so I can get better equipment. C) Go swimming to beat the oppressive desert heat.
Rachael gets of work and then we head out to the West Valley again to have Game Night. My hot girlfriend will proceed to cook dinner for me and her friends and serve as waitress for the evening. (she enjoys this... how great is that??!!) We will all play board games like Puerto Rico (for sure), maybe Fact or Crap, or any other games they have. I keep wanting to buy and bring Settlers of Catan since the guys at Penny Arcade speak so highly of it. Anyway it will be a great time. I'll either crash there or head home for sleep and the start of another work week.

And now you know the rest of the story....

The end of Jen's wedding tale:

Scores in Vegas, a lot less entertaining than one might think. Yes the women were hot but it was ridiculously expensive and just not all that phone. Really... I swear.
There was a weird thing where some of the men in our group were basically hitting on some strippers. A stripper talked to me for a while about her life. With no asking for money or if I wanted a lap dance. We finally decide to get out of there and....

In the cab, the cab driver kept asking us if we wanted to go to a brothel. ahhh no.
Though some of the men in the group did. Since it was my job to keep Jen's future husband away from any unnecessarily snatches (or any snatches for that matter) I said no and forced the cab driver to take us home.

Jen's wedding was great. We were supposed to go to some club afterwards and they wouldn't let us in, even though Jen had reservations and was in a wedding dress. Some jerkoff was throwing thousands of dollars around in there so she got bumped for that guy. Annoying. So Jen's brother and I walked to a liquor store, bought two cases of beer and walked back. (looooong walk)

We get to Jen's suite. Everyone's tired. No one wants to party. Here's Chris and I... thinking we saved the day... alas the day... ruined. So Chris and Chrissy (chris' wife) and I walk out to go to our hotel. But we have all this beer. We can't drink it all, waaay too much for three people. So we start handing out beers for free. We were fricking rock stars. Two thug-ass gangstas said we could hang. Some people said we were the best part of their trip. etc.

Oh oh oh I forgot. The Ice Bar Story:
The night Chris got into Vegas, he met us directly at Mandalay Bay. He immediately said we had to go to the Ice Bar. He proceeds to tell us that the Ice Bar is a magical place, a bar so cold that every thing is made of ice. Where they make you wear giant fur coats and russian hats. Where shots of vodka sluce down slopes of mini ice mountains and into your mouth. Where Buddha, Jesus and Vishnu all get smashed with you. Ok not that last part. But everything else.

We go to Red Square, the bar where the Ice Bar is, and proclaim we would like to go to the Ice Bar. We have to buy a bottle of vodka to get in. A bottle of Gray Goose: $5K or something like that... not happening. So we find a really cheap (relatively) bottle and get in. They really did make us wear giant fur coats and Russian hats. I was getting excited. Then we walk inside....

The Ice Bar is actually a tiny room. With a plastic table that looks like ice in the middle. It has old, mansion-style chairs. And it's really fucking cold. No ice mountain. Nothing was made out of ice. No deities. Our server sets out our bottle of cheap vodka. We start doing shots. The vodka is horrible but it is so cold it's hard to tell after a while. We were smashed fairly quickly which was fun. Chris and I stole a Russian hat. We put it in his backpack. We got our server to do two shots with us, even though she said she would get fired for drinking with us. (Jen held her fur coat over the door.)

Our vodka=tapped. Server gets us all together. She says she has to tell us something important. "It's very cold in here. But it's not very cold out there. When you leave, the blood is going to rush to the surface of your skin. It's going to make you extremely drunk, extremely fast. You're going to be light headed. So walk slowly and don't be ashamed to grab the bar for balance on the way out."

We kinda laughed her off. Then Jen's dad walks out. Big tall man. "holy crap!" he shouts and grabs the bar. We all start giggling. And this happens to everyone. Whoa! Grab the bar. Cue giggles. So we get out to the general area and proceed to laugh our asses off. Good times. We grabbed burgers later and I took the tram back to my hotel.

Either way, best part of the wedding trip. I will end here for now but I might have a more current post later today.

Shun the Non-Believers!

Shuuuuuuunnnnnnnn....

Ok I had a weird day today. To make the tale short, I'll just say I stuck my foot in my mouth real good doing something I thought was nice but obviously was not in retrospect.

Anyway... where was I.... right... Vegas.

One of my best friends in the world, Jen, was getting married in Vegas on St. Patrick's Day. It was her second marriage in two (three?) years. I know that sounds bad. It kinda is. But her new husband is a light years better than her first husband who was a jackass to the Nth degree.

I promised Jen two things: 1) I would be there. 2) I would take care of her husband and keep him out of trouble.

I don't know her husband all that well. We had really only met a few times tops. But I agreed cause she's essentially an adopted sister at this point. Family obligations and all that.

I get off the plane and see her husband and his best friend and his wife. H will be the husband. J will be the best friend. A will be the wife of the best friend. Capiche?

Within seconds of meeting J and A I was ready to slaughter them both. They're not bad people per sae. Just extremely annoying. and stupid. Very very stupid. J was supposed to call me about bachelor party details since it was his show. He never called. He told Jen he called me, left a message and I never called back. I knew for certain I had no call. So he checks the number. He got the number wrong and was dialing some number in New Hampshire. The stupid part is, he lives in Arizona. He was told repeatedly that I too live in Arizona. Why would I have some weird ass non-AZ area code? And when I didn't call back, don't you think he'd check with Jen to make sure the number was right.....

Anywho, H and I didn't check bags so we met up with Jen, her mom and Jen's brother's wife to get out of the airport. J and A rented their own car I believe.

The bachelor party is that night. H is all excited cause he doesn't drink all that much. This is a big deal. He's obsessed with the idea of not getting a hangover. He just has to buy a giant bottle of B-12. He needs it. He mentions this maybe... 20 times on the way to the hotel so we can drop of our carry-ons. And aspirin. B-12 and Aspirin.

Jen's ready to kill him. She's uber stressed about the wedding and her bachlorette party. I think it's just bride stuff. Like it's mandatory for her to be on edge. I don't blame her cause H is being pretty annoying.

She gets so mad she pulls over, gets out, makes Chrissy (brother's wife) drive. Does NOT want to talk to H. They chill out about it later but... adds to the stress for me and everyone else in the car too.

Fast forward to the bachelor party:
Me, H, J and Douchebag (H's other best friend) meet up at the Venetian. J is supposed to have a plan. His plan is (I'm not kidding) thus:
1. Go to Casino floor bar
2. Start gambling at the bar slot machines
3. Get "free" drinks
4. Get dinner
5. Go to strip club
6. ?????
7. Profit
8. Sleep

The free drinks idea does not work out at all. And I hate slot machines. And I don't have that much money to be wasting on games I don't like. I essentially paid $40 for two rum and cokes. boooooo. This blew most of the cash I had available for the night. I can't help it. I'm poor.

Then dinner is at the Luxor. At a place where the prices are waaaaay too high. The food was meh at best. more drinks were paid for. H obviously is not paying for anything. I was something like... $80 a person. God this trip sucked my balls money-wise. I'm still annoying by the dumbness of J and Douchebag. They spend the whole dinner talking about the joys of owning a Dairy Queen and whatever else J owns. I wanted to kill myself due to the boredom. I essentially texted with Rachael most of the time, who was having a much better time reporting on a story about high school musicals.

From the Luxor, we went to the strip club Scores. And I should probably make this part 1 of the Long No One Really Asked to Hear This Vegas Wedding Story. I'll try to be more concise in part two.

You've been on hold how long?

I've been coerced into posting again. Granted I want to, it's just me being lazy. And then getting performance anxiety (this is btw the only time I get that I swear).
I do want to go back and make those retroactive posts and I will. But to start, I'll do a cop out and fill out the silly online survey that Rachael filled out.

Stuff that you should know about me:

1. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
Rachel (weird huh?)

2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
Not wearing underwear. :D

3. What is the song you want played at your funeral?
Oooh. Good question.... Eleanor Rigby if I die alone. Pyramid Song by Radiohead otherwise. Actually play that one no matter what.

4. Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
Sure. I'm fairly certain my parents would be ok with either of their kids being gay.

5. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Basically what I had at Steve's bachelor party in D.C. A zillion bacon-wrapped scallops, a ton of wine, a giant filet mignon, a huge basket of bread and to mix it up my mom's good dessert she makes: striped delight.

6. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles! (I concur)

7. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who?
Only one? Shit. That guy who made my life a living hell in middle school. Matt somethingorother. Can't remember his last name but I still wish him a life of ills.

8. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Do I have to choose? See, THAT makes me look bad. I think if I had to I'd go beer. More variety I suppose. Wine is a close second. I really don't have a problem with liquor either though.

9. What is the most important quality your mate possesses?

Kindness/sweetness/thoughtful. It's all kind of the same thing. For a hater, she's rarely hateful. She genuinely goes out of her way to be a good person and good to people and that means a whole lot to me.

10. What are your plans for the future?
I'm a mega planner so I'll give the cliff notes version:
Keep doing this job I have either here or for someone else
Get married
Buy a house
Have kids
Kick ass
Take names

12. Do you walk around the house naked?
I would do it more often if I didn't live with someone I'm not sleeping with. I like being naked. Not in a let's go out and join a nudist colony way but a meh clothes are annoying sometimes kind of way.

13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
Completely depends. I've had one beer and been all Whoa. I've had seven or eight and not really feel it. Usually though four or five does the trick for sure.

14. Where is your best friend?
My best friend is likely in Gilbert in the condo he and his wife (and temporarily his wife's sister) live in. Need to call him.

15. Hair color you like on someone you're dating?
I've always had a fascination with redheads.

16. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
I'd rather be blind. I can't stand the idea of not being able to listen to music.

17. Do you have any special talents?
More than I can count/know.;) I think I have a very long attention span, which is a talent of a kind. I have a very good memory, which helps when I do any kind of trivia related board game. I solve problems.

20. Favorite hateful thing to do to someone?
I don't think I do very many hateful things. I like to talk bad about children and the elderly. I like offensive humor. Not racist/sexist stuff but like... I dunno. Jokes about abortion and things like that.

My favorite hateful thing done to anyone ever though was when Fogg filled Pickard's clothing iron with urine. He made sure to drink a lot of water before hand too. So it looked just like normal water. Nothing like tricking an asshole into steaming piss into his dress shirts for payback.

21. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
The first thing that comes to my head is the Karate Kid but I think I probably saw movies before that one. I think I fell asleep too.

22. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Put my keys on the counter. Go to my room. Sit down at computer.

23. When's the last time you went on a date?
Wednesday is right Rachael. We went to see Knocked Up. Which was funny. And also funny cause Rachael hates birth scenes in movies and I'm amused by that. Though I do sympathize. Speaking of... I need to take you out on more dates. The heat means less of those I think.

24. Do you like horror or comedy?
Comedy! I'm not a fan or horror movies. I'm a scared little bitch.

26. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
Lauren. My Freshman year in college. Granted i was so smashed I couldn't see straight. She certainly did not want to make out with me. Wait, does that count then?..... If it doesn't then I'd say.... Samantha. She was a bad idea in general.

28. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
I dunno....Joss Whedon? Less to do with sexual attraction, more to do with an undying affection for all he's ever written/filmed.

29. Where do you want to live when you are old?
The Tech Castle. Or an island cabana.

30. Who is the person you can count on most?
My family. I know they're not one person but as much as whine and bitch about them, they always come through.

31. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
I'm assuming past or present means dead or living. I'd go Grace Kelly. ::growl:: so hot.

32. Where was your first kiss with your mate?
Outside of the Wildflower Bread Company at Arcadia. And she giggled during it. She is a complete dork. But I love her for it.

33. Favorite drinking game?
Drink the Beer.

34. What did you dream last night?
Last night, I dreamed Rachael and I were married and living in our Tech Castle. It was kind of like her dream she blogged about in that I had a giant group of friends over. It wasn't just the nerds though. We were clearly having some sort of party. There was barbecue. And Rachael was being very domestic blissy. No family though outside of Jeff and Katie. That was the whole dream. It was basically the party. Small talk. Games were played. Movies were watched. A bunch of people went swimming. It was a boring dream in that nothing amazing happened. It was also very happy though. Left me in a very restful state when I woke up.

Speaking of...
Shazbot... this took longer than I expected. Got to shower, put some clothes (including underwear) on and get to work.

That wasn't so bad after all

After dropping off Princess at the airport, which I should say was an act of such brutal efficiency that Rachael and I should have won a gold medal in the taking a friend to the airport event, we went straight to my parents house.

At first I wanted to put off having Rachael meet my parents. I had just recently met Rachael's parents. We were both looking forward to a break from "big" couple type events. I wasn't worried my parents wouldn't like her or that she wouldn't like them. I just wanted to do things on my own schedule.

Jen called though a few days after I told my mom about Rachael and I. She ripped into me about how it's not fair that I'm not letting my mom meet Rachael before her wedding party. That it would be really uncomfortable for both Rachael and my mom to meet each other at the party. That I'm being completely immature about this and not taking mom's feelings into account.

I responded with:
A) Mom makes too big a deal over things like this
B) It shouldn't be a big deal.
C) What the hell's wrong with meeting at the party? Mom this is Rachael. Rachael this is mom. Oh look booze. And plenty of distractions.

In the end, to please my adopted sister, I agreed to talk to mom about arranging a meeting. I know it sound like I just acquiesced. I did. But it was more out of respect for Jen and her wedding party thing that I did so. Plus I talked to Rachael about it and she said it will be better just it over with too, especially if anyone was going to make a big deal about it.

We arrived at my parents house. Rachael was pretty nervous. More nervous than I thought she would be. She was welcomed by my parents' three dogs Chloe, Molly and Macey. Since Rachael was completely new, they went kind of ape shit over her. I gave her a quick tour around the inside of the house and then off to Olive Garden.

Mom chose the most crowded Olive Garden in the Valley. WTG mom. While we waited we did small talk stuff. I resolved myself going into this to tease mom quite a bit so as to take the focus of Rachael so she wouldn't feel like a bug under glass.

Basically it went well. Dad was even quieter than usual. Mom handled me teasing her fairly well. Rachael was quiet but not oddly so. She's usually shy around new people so I wasn't too surprised by that. It was good.

Rachael and I were driving back to my place. Talking about the days events. She likes my parents quite a bit, especially my dad. Knew that was going to happen. All my girlfriend's love my dad and my dad loves all my girlfriends. She said she enjoys immensely family male talk. When the men in my family start talking together, the conversation moves very quickly, very loudly with very little order. If you want to jump in you have to shout or do something to stop the hurtling train of chat. Most people find it annoying. I love that Rachael enjoys it. She got to see a good taste of it earlier on Saturday when she and my brother and I went to lunch before seeing 300.

Er...umm....ok that's all I really had to say about the parentals meeting. Check that out bitches, three blog posts in three days and we haven't even got to the Vegas posts yet. I am a golden God.