Shun the Non-Believers!

Shuuuuuuunnnnnnnn....

Ok I had a weird day today. To make the tale short, I'll just say I stuck my foot in my mouth real good doing something I thought was nice but obviously was not in retrospect.

Anyway... where was I.... right... Vegas.

One of my best friends in the world, Jen, was getting married in Vegas on St. Patrick's Day. It was her second marriage in two (three?) years. I know that sounds bad. It kinda is. But her new husband is a light years better than her first husband who was a jackass to the Nth degree.

I promised Jen two things: 1) I would be there. 2) I would take care of her husband and keep him out of trouble.

I don't know her husband all that well. We had really only met a few times tops. But I agreed cause she's essentially an adopted sister at this point. Family obligations and all that.

I get off the plane and see her husband and his best friend and his wife. H will be the husband. J will be the best friend. A will be the wife of the best friend. Capiche?

Within seconds of meeting J and A I was ready to slaughter them both. They're not bad people per sae. Just extremely annoying. and stupid. Very very stupid. J was supposed to call me about bachelor party details since it was his show. He never called. He told Jen he called me, left a message and I never called back. I knew for certain I had no call. So he checks the number. He got the number wrong and was dialing some number in New Hampshire. The stupid part is, he lives in Arizona. He was told repeatedly that I too live in Arizona. Why would I have some weird ass non-AZ area code? And when I didn't call back, don't you think he'd check with Jen to make sure the number was right.....

Anywho, H and I didn't check bags so we met up with Jen, her mom and Jen's brother's wife to get out of the airport. J and A rented their own car I believe.

The bachelor party is that night. H is all excited cause he doesn't drink all that much. This is a big deal. He's obsessed with the idea of not getting a hangover. He just has to buy a giant bottle of B-12. He needs it. He mentions this maybe... 20 times on the way to the hotel so we can drop of our carry-ons. And aspirin. B-12 and Aspirin.

Jen's ready to kill him. She's uber stressed about the wedding and her bachlorette party. I think it's just bride stuff. Like it's mandatory for her to be on edge. I don't blame her cause H is being pretty annoying.

She gets so mad she pulls over, gets out, makes Chrissy (brother's wife) drive. Does NOT want to talk to H. They chill out about it later but... adds to the stress for me and everyone else in the car too.

Fast forward to the bachelor party:
Me, H, J and Douchebag (H's other best friend) meet up at the Venetian. J is supposed to have a plan. His plan is (I'm not kidding) thus:
1. Go to Casino floor bar
2. Start gambling at the bar slot machines
3. Get "free" drinks
4. Get dinner
5. Go to strip club
6. ?????
7. Profit
8. Sleep

The free drinks idea does not work out at all. And I hate slot machines. And I don't have that much money to be wasting on games I don't like. I essentially paid $40 for two rum and cokes. boooooo. This blew most of the cash I had available for the night. I can't help it. I'm poor.

Then dinner is at the Luxor. At a place where the prices are waaaaay too high. The food was meh at best. more drinks were paid for. H obviously is not paying for anything. I was something like... $80 a person. God this trip sucked my balls money-wise. I'm still annoying by the dumbness of J and Douchebag. They spend the whole dinner talking about the joys of owning a Dairy Queen and whatever else J owns. I wanted to kill myself due to the boredom. I essentially texted with Rachael most of the time, who was having a much better time reporting on a story about high school musicals.

From the Luxor, we went to the strip club Scores. And I should probably make this part 1 of the Long No One Really Asked to Hear This Vegas Wedding Story. I'll try to be more concise in part two.